To an outsider looking in, I have it all together. The house
is (mostly) clean, dinner is cooked, and the workouts are done. But inside, I
have been fighting a decade-long war.
I was formally diagnosed with high-functioning anxiety and depression only 3 years ago, despite being something I've been living with for as long as I can remember. It is the exhaustion that never goes away, and the crippling guilt that I am not "enough." As a Latina, mental health is a stigma. Heck, we aren't "allowed" to have mental health issues! And for a long time, I thought "functioning" meant I was fine. I thought, "If I can get through my to-do list, I don't need help." I thought that if I cried one day and was fine the next, I was "cured" of my depression. But those were self-soothing lies; a band-aid on a much deeper wound.
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Over the years, with both growth and professional help, I have learned to cope. Here is what has helped me overcome these hidden battles. I hope that by sharing what has helped me, it gives hope to someone else.
1. Be Vulnerable: Even if it feels cringe
The biggest step in my journey was admitting that
"functioning" is not the same as "thriving." I had to stop
pretending I was okay. I sat my husband down and explained that this isn't
just "being tired" or overly emotional. I told him about the inner
voice that tells me I’m constantly failing. Telling him my struggles,
reminding him of my love language (words of affirmation) allowed him to fully
support me. Instead of him wondering why I was irritable, he understood I was
struggling with anxiety, and we became a team against it. Let go of the past.
Trust we have all been through some cringe moments we would all love to erase,
but we can't. The important thing is to have grown from each experience. It's
in the past, let it go. And if you're not married, speak to a trusted friend,
family member, or doctor/therapist.
2. Redefine "Self-Care" (It’s Not Just Spa
Days)
When you have high-functioning anxiety combined with depression,
"self-care" can feel like another item on a to-do list. I felt as
though if it wasn't practical, if it wasn't "earned," it wasn't
deserved. I gave myself permission to not be perfect. I didn't have to get
everything done in one day. I let the laundry sit. I accepted that frozen pizza
is fine sometimes. The goal is not just survival and perfection but peace
and sanity. I also invested in myself by going on daily nature walks and
signing up for a gym. (I still love a good spa day).
3. Seek Professional Help (And Remove the Guilt)
I used to think that seeking therapy meant I was weak or crazy. Now I know
mental health does not equate to incapable, or less than. It just meant I
needed extra assistance with daily life. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
helped me identify the negative, anxious thought patterns that were draining
me. It also gave me resources (articles, at-home exercises, and breathing
mechanics) to help quiet the noise.
4. Setting Boundaries to Protect Your Energy
When I was working, I took on all the projects. As a mom, I want to say
"yes" to everything. As a spouse, I want to keep the household
running perfectly. Hence, my slogan "she's a lot and does the most".
But I have learned that "no" is a full sentence. Saying
"no" to things that didn't align with my mental state made me feel
guilty, but allowed me to restore. It gave me back my power. I am a Capricorn.
I want to do it all, fully knowing I can't do it all at once. So I
also started delegating tasks at home. At first, I felt like a nag, but then I
realized that my spouse and I are a team and should be moving as such.
5. Embrace "Good Enough" Motherhood
The pressure to be a "perfect mom" fuels high-functioning anxiety.
Thinking of the "what-ifs" triggers my depression. Taking care
of your mental health is the best gift you can give your family. Presence
> Perfection. I try my best to focus on quality time—like playing a
game—instead of what's messy in the house. My son is only 5. He doesn't fully
understand his emotions; I don't expect him to understand the complexities of
mine. I allow him to be him. I also allow myself a good, quiet cry in the
bathroom every so often. Again, it's not about perfection. Allow yourself to
feel but also to move on, to show up, to be present.
To everyone reading this, going through something similar,
know that you are not alone. You are enough, just as you
are.
Xoxo,
2lipsinluv
Disclaimer: I am just a human sharing my personal
experience. I am not a medical professional. If you are struggling, please
reach out to a doctor, therapist, or a trusted friend.
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